Useless
by DangerousDreams
Summary: A standard Valentine's Day fic.  Fluff, rain, a little romance.  It's set during the manga, kind of.  Done as a present.  Yaoi if you read the little footnotes I put in :3 Overused title, subject to change.


A/N: Yes I know they don't celebrate holidays in the FMA world. But you know what? This is my OTP, so I want to bend the rules. Let it be known that I actually don't like Valentine's Day that much because it makes us single people feel like dirt. In fact, I've started wearing all black [like funeral clothes] on Valentine's Day. I must admit, though, that a big part of it is shock value :3 I like doing things that make people think I'm crazy.

ALSO! READ THIS PLEASE.

This fic is dedicated to the quite incredible ht4eva, because [hopefully] I shall be posting this on her birthday. I couldn't bring myself to write you a HT fic… I apologize… Anyway, happy birthday!

*profuse apologies for the dreadfully long author's note*

The way Lieutenant Hawkeye was greeted as she walked into the office on the fourteenth of February was Jean Havoc exclaiming, "Lieutenant! YOU'RE a woman!"

She sighed. "Thank you, Jean. You truly have an astounding sense of observation."

He either ignored or didn't notice her sarcasm. "Y'see, there's this gorgeous girl…"

She tuned him out, instead favouring to get caught up on work.* A while later, she heard him say, "…so what should I do, Lieutenant?"

She played it safe and murmured, "Buy her flowers."

"But I said she was allergic to-"

"Hello, minions!" The door burst open and an either extremely happy or terribly upset Mustang strode into the room. It was impossible to tell which for the first few seconds, but then he swept across the room to his desk, where he sat with a morose sigh. Fuery timidly asked, "Is something wrong, sir?"

"Me? No," he said innocently. "It's only Valentine's Day, the sky is threatening a downpour, and I don't have a date for tonight. You know, the usual. Of course nothing is wrong." He laid his head down on his folded arms in an outburst of more than the usual childishness. Riza rolled her eyes and continued working, starving him of the attention he was obviously doing this for. And then Breda said loudly, grinning, "Hey, Colonel, why don't you ask the Lieutenant out on a date?"

Riza's head shot up and she glared at Breda until she was fairly positive he had lost 15 years off his life from pure fear. Then she turned her murderous gaze on the Colonel, her eyes practically whispering in a creepy, horror movie-style voice, _Don't even think about it._

"Unless you'd all like to work overtime tonight, I suggest you go back to work," she said sternly, directly most of the venom at the blank stare of Mustang. Fuery and Havoc, who had been shamelessly watching the mini soap opera, reluctantly went back to work. "And just to kill in the bud the moronic idea of trying to set me up, with _anyone_… I've already got plans for tonight."

At this announcement, they all made shocked faces at eachother, but weren't quite brave enough to say anything. But she was right; now they couldn't harass her, or Mustang, so they had no choice but continue work.

Lunchtime came quickly when the office was full of silence, albeit companionable silence.

They all walked down to the canteen in a more or less group, as every day: Mustang led, closely followed by Riza, who was closely followed by Falman. A few feet back, Havoc and Breda would be harassing Fuery goodnaturedly**.

Today was no different, but as they walked down, Mustang cast a sidelong glance at his Lieutenant. "Do you really have a date tonight?" he asked nonchalantly.

"I wouldn't lie to my fellow officers," she said. "I've got plans."

"Hm," he said, then was silent.

And then he decided to sit nearer to her and Rebecca than usual. He was hoping to hear something about her mystery man. Maybe if he could get a good description, the man could spontaneously and mysteriously combust tragically sometime during the day… No. That would be highly illegal. He sighed. Then something Rebecca was saying tuned in through the murderous goings-on of his mind.

"So we're still on for tonight? You aren't gonna ditch me for some last-minute guy, are you?" Rebecca said, laughing, ignoring Hawkeye frantically shaking her head.

"Ha!" Mustang said, forgetting himself. "You're not actually going on a date, Hakeye!" He did keep his voice down, though, so his men wouldn't hear about it. He didn't feel like getting harassed either. And a very small part of him didn't want them to know she was available.

"But that doesn't mean I'm not busy. I said I had plans," she said, with as much dignity as she could muster. Rebecca laughed.

"Sorry, did I blow your cover, Riza?"

Mustang nodded. "Thank you, Rebecca." Then he left, leaving a smiling Rebecca and a fuming Hawkeye behind.

At five o'clock, Havoc, Fuery, Breda, and Falman left, tossing goodbyes over their shoulders as they went to go pick up their dates***.

Mustang glared out the window. "It's raining. Can I evaporate the rain?" His tone was childish, wanting her to respond.

"Go ahead," she mumbled, finishing up the last sheets of paper. She obviously wasn't paying attention to him. In fact, she seemed a little mad.

He tilted his head. "Are you mad at me?" he asked frankly.

"What?" she said, looking up. "No. Rebecca canceled for tonight, and I was a little annoyed. But what happens, happens."

He stood up and stretched. She stood up too, placing a final stack of papers on his desk. "You should really finish these up. Just sign them all at the bottom."****

He sighed. As he went through at the speed of light, signing each one illegibly, he said, punctuating each syllable with a signature, "You. Should. Come. To. Din. Ner. With. Me. To. Night. Done." He handed the papers to her, smiling questioningly.

"No, thank you."

He puffed up his cheeks and blew the air out, disappointed. He grabbed his coat with a last angry look at the rain outside and held the door open for her as she walked out.

Because there was nobody around, he put an arm around her shoulder as they walked, and she finally, _finally _relaxed. Even as they walked out into the rain, she didn't seem to mind. And because she didn't, he didn't. At least, not as much.

But he still hated the rain enough to hold up his dripping gloves and make a face at them. "Is there a way to make these things waterproof?"

She smiled and replied, "I doubt it. Guess you'll just have to stay useless in the rain."

At this, he turned to look at her straight on, and before he could lose his courage, leaned down to her height and kissed her. For a moment, nothing happened. The whole world was still. Then he pulled away from her and kept walking forward, trying to hide his embarrassment.

She followed. "95% useless."

*Honestly, they're ALWAYS behind on work. Why, you ask? Because, if they weren't, then fanfiction writers couldn't keep them busy while in the office, of course.

**No that's not actually a word, according to Microsoft Office Word 2003. But it's okay. Just pretend it is.

***Or, in Havoc and Fuery's case, to go on their date with eachother. And Breda's secretly jealous because he also loves Fuery. Falman doesn't have a gender. Naw, I'm just kidding... But not about the HavocXFuery part T.T

****One of them is secretly a contract so she can own his soul. And not in a cutesy romantic way. I mean legitimately own his soul. And sell it to the devil possibly.

A/N: Eh, in my opinion Hawkeye's a bit too wordy in this one. Especially in the beginning. I apologize… Happy birthday~!


End file.
